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This is me. I write and throw balls and hold forks with my left hand, and I brush my teeth, play guitar, and pull weeds with my right hand. This probably means nothing or that I’m crazy. When I was 15, I thought I’d end up a rock star. I’m happy to report that I … Continue reading The TL;DR of Me →

“Will you come? Just in case I get murdered.”Ten years ago, I flew to San Antonio for my grandpa’s funeral. After we left the grave site, lunched, and took my grandma home for a nap, I asked my sister to run an errand with me.We drove across the sprawling city, made an emergency stop in … Continue reading Diarrhea Is Always Foreshadowing →

“The greatest copywriter of my generation. Hiring Sara was the best decision of my life.”The client: Fruit flyThe job: Advertising a dungheap orgyThe desired ROI: 25,000 attendees. A twenty-to-one female-to-male ratio for maximum mating options. Several million progeny. The talk of the brief-lived town.The message: "Sex. Dung. Rocks. Old Rolls. This place has it all. … Continue reading The Dungheap Orgy: A Case Study →

Four words followed me around.“You were an accident.”If you’re wondering, never say that to a child, to anybody. Definitely don’t repeat it, ad nauseum. Even if they laugh it off, even if they understand the pragmatics of failed birth control, even if they’re later told, “We love you,” even if they think for a long … Continue reading Proof of Life →

What's that?Oh, just the sound of me fussing at a Google doc lurker."Get out, Mary!" As I shoo her with my hand.Mary cannot see or hear me. Mary lurks on.Mary is fictional. The story is all too real.

We think people can’t love us because we have wrinkles and fart in our sleep and eat too many cookies and cry too often and laugh like hyenas and get scared and yell things we don’t mean and say we’re going to exercise every day but don’t and hate movies everyone loves and forget to … Continue reading Impermanent Proof →

My children catch lizards. It’s like they’re pulling grass, so quick and easy that I am never not surprised.A few days ago, they came to me after eight minutes outside. “We caught 12!” they crowed, tipping the bucket for me to see.Sometimes the tails come off. They never manhandle the little guys. It seems the … Continue reading Lizard Hotels: A Love at First Sight Story →

"I needed that." That's the most common response I get from clients, friends, family, and strangers when I make them laugh. "Thanks. I needed that." It makes me a little sad. But it also reinforces how important laughter and joy and humor are. And of the many benefits I bring to the people around me, … Continue reading Joy Is a Need →

"I needed that."That's the most common response I get from clients, friends, family, and strangers when I make them laugh."Thanks. I needed that."It makes me a little sad.But it also reinforces how important laughter and joy and humor are. And of the many benefits I bring to the people around me, of all the things … Continue reading Small Things are Big Things →

The best marketing switch I've observed is the move from sterilized reality offers to messy camaraderie plays. In humor, in realistic portrayals, in honesty, in representation, even in bathroom jokes.Sterilized reality sells. Just like sex sells. But what it promises is always temporary. And what we need is permanent, even if the things we buy … Continue reading Selling the Long Game →